“Okay kid, the hot water works off static electricity. Hold the cold button in, then put your right foot up on the metal toilet, and your left hand on the wall to complete the electrical circuit. Now just keep holding that button in.” Then, while you look like you’re playing a demented game of twister, I will go back to waiting for my parole officer to be born, which is far more realistic then that hot water ever spitting out of a cold water pipe.
It was a good week for practical jokes. A few days later, my second contestant was one of my co-worker’s. He had a slight case of dandruff and wanted to know how come I never got it? That’s easy, I use Vaseline to moisturize my scalp before I wash it. Just put half the jar on your scalp and rub it in real good. Then, after letting it sit for a while, just rinse it off with water. Oh, it’s not coming out, try brushing it between rinses. The price of Vaseline in the commissary is about $1.50, listening to someone with five life sentences yelling the water is running off his head like a drunk duck with tourettes – right before they have to shave their head, priceless.
Now if I can just convince someone, BenGay was a guy named Ben, who really was Gay, and secretly made his product just for those intimate moments….